Direction

     Okay first of all...sorry! I don't know if I have any regular readers--I don't get stats like that, but I fell off the face of the earth for a bit, and I apologize, if anyone noticed! 

     I am in crisis. Call it a quarter-life crisis, perhaps. I have no idea what I am doing with my life. I've been writing this blog as kind of an outlet, a connection to the outside world, and for now I definitely like that. Of course, this is just one small part of my life right now. 

Source

     I went back to school to get my MBA. Here's the thing though, I don't want it. I never really wanted it, it was beneficial to getting a better paying job, etc. So then I tried to think: "Okay, well what do I want to do?" Well, I like computers. I was in the IT program in college and really enjoyed it, but copped out because the degree was going to take too long. I regret that now, so I tried to switch programs. Turns out, this was impossible with my school. So I have now withdrawn from the MBA program, with the plan to re-enroll in the IT program.  

     And yet...I think I'm going to hold out on re-enrolling for a bit. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do, really. I don't want to lock myself into something that I regret right now, seeing as I'm pretty unsure, right now. 

     Lately, I've been thinking a lot about acting. That was my original dream, as a little girl (well, actress and singer, of course). But I pushed it back, tabled that idea because as a child I was very shy. It would have been impossible for me to be on stage. Now, however, as an adult--I have put a lot of work into that, and have vastly improved. 

     I looked up some acting classes, and I think I might take them. Just to see. I'm not really sure. I'm kind of floundering. There are a lot of things I could do. But this has really stuck in my mind. I've been thinking about it for a while, but it was one of those things that I only just realized what I had in mind. My mother told me: "Well, it's a lot of work." She seemed surprised that I already knew that. I guess I was kind of surprised that I knew that. About head shots, and demo reels, and casting calls, etc. I had been paying even closer attention than I even thought. I'm no model, but I really think I'm pretty good at it--and of course, classes could only help. And they might make me really think about it--for good or bad. 

     My mind is of course my biggest roadblock here, telling me I'm being ridiculous, that I could never do anything as an actor, that I'm, not pretty enough, not thin enough, etc. And maybe that's true, maybe not, I think there are a lot of people in acting who are only about as attractive as I am, really. 

Both re: acting AND my life. (Source)

     And then there's this: "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? So many people would kill for what you have!" I have a good job, pretty good pay, a decent place to live. But I'm just so blah. I'm not happy. It's such a difficult question. 

     What's more important? Stability or doing something you love? I'm honestly not sure. 

     But the bottom line is this: I'm free to choose my own direction, and at this point, I don't want there to be any regrets. So, I'm going to try some stuff, I think. I can take acting classes and IT classes at the same time, no problem. Feel it out, try to decide where I want to go. 

My biggest fear is that I will just have no direction--just aimlessly drift through life. And I'm not willing to do that. I don't know. I plan to figure it out!

Anticipated Games!

     I've been writing some super heavy post for a while, so I thought I would take a break today and write something a little bit more relaxed and nerdy.

     We are approaching the holiday season peoples, and a BIG time in gaming. A lot of really big games will be coming out in the next few months, and I thought it would be great to talk about some of the games that I am anticipating most through the end of the year! (In order of release date.)

• Assassin's Creed: Unity (Release date 11/11/2014)

I am currently playing through the whole Assassin's Creed series, in order to prepare for this game. I'm ashamed to admit, I had never played this series at all prior to the showing of Unity at E3. But I actually really like it, so it's a shame that I missed out for so many years! I love history in general anyway, so that part of it if definitely fine!

SOURCE

Man--look at that. I'm not one for graphics above gaming, but that is absolutely beautiful! I'm also excited because there has been some information released that suggests that there may actually be a strong female character, always a plus! 

SOURCE

I pre-ordered the Collector's Edition because I am a psycho, and am highly looking forward to playing the CRAP out of it.

• Far Cry 4 (Release date 11/18/2014)

The next game on my list is the new Far Cry! Far Cry 3 is one of the most fun games that I have played in the past 5 years, and 4 is poised to surpass it (except for maybe Vaas--is it weird that I find him incredibly hot? Crazy? Yes. But Hot.). But Pagan Min is definitely looking good, haha! Honestly the base gameplay of Far Cry was so great, and I am definitely looking forward to riding an elephant.

I also got the Collector's edition for this one: titled the Kryat edition. I wanted the Pagan Min statue. :) (Don't judge me!)

LOOK AT IT (SOURCE)

• Dragon Age: Inquisition (Release date 11/18/2014)

OMG OMG OMG. Lol--I am looking forward to this game an absolutely ridiculous amount. This is the first game that I have EVER taken the day off work to play! I cannot even express properly how much I want to play this game. I may cry when I have it in my hands.

I love BioWare. I have purchased both the Deluxe Edition for PS4, and the Inquisitor's Edition for PC. You guys. I BOUGHT 2 COPIES OF THE GAME, ON DIFFERENT PLATFORMS. I know, I'm crazy. But I have been with Dragon Age since the beginning, and BioWare has such a good track record of making games I love, I can't help myself.

Plus, there's this face:

Hnng. #Cullenites (X)

• Tom Clancy's The Division (12/31/2014)

I am also really excited about The Division. The above release date is still what is listed on Gamestop's website, but the last news is that the release has been pushed back until 2015. It's set in a post apocalyptic world (isn't everything nowadays?) but the gameplay and the story looks really interesting. Just check out the trailer!

So that does it so far! It's lucky I only have so many REALLY big ones on my list, because my time will already be ate up! :)

Definitely looking forward to this holiday game season--which games on our lists overlap? Or are there any other ones to share?

Tsubasacon 2014 (Also on challenges)

     

     Well! This past weekend was Tsubasacon, the friendliest anime/Japanese pop culture convention in West Virginia! Some friends of mine run this convention, so I always try to help out. I've been going for a couple of y ears. I decided to combine the post for my brief recap of Tsu into another related topic. 

     First, let me just say this: this was the best year of Tsubasacon that I've ever attended! There have been some changes in my life recently that I think have really allowed me to enjoy more things. I was able to talk to more people, able to do more things, and really get to have fun. I felt like I got closer to some people I hadn't really been able to talk to as much before, and was really able to relax. 

     There was some great cosplay: 

 

     

     Some of my favorites, that I got anyway (unfortunately I forgot my camera on Saturday--missed a great Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune, and all the Disney princesses), had a lovely Poison Ivy, but it came out blurry. :(

     I ran out of time to cosplay, unfortunately, and since I've never done it before, I need all the time I can get! Maybe next year! But I did get to meet DC Douglas (voice of Legion from Mass Effect/Wesker from Resident Evil, and more), Lisle Wilkerson (voices in Shenmue II and Virtual Fighter, etc), and Paul St. Peter (Xemnas from Kindom Hearts, Kokomon, Zor Prime in Robotech, and more!)

Me and D.C. Douglas

With Paul St. Peter

With Lisle Wilkerson! (P.S. note my Spectre hoodie!)

     Of course, I work the con, so I can't do everything, but I got to buy a lot of great products from artists, and from Vendors, and had a lot of fun! I am/was WIPED OUT from it. I like hanging out with people and doing things, but I get very tired from being "out there" for an extended period of time. I tend to throw myself into things.   

     All in all, it was an absolutely fabulous weekend. It'll take me a week to recover, but it was worth it!

So, on that note! 

     I like lots of things. I literally cannot think of even a single thing that I have not been somewhat interested in. I decided I wanted to learn to knit, so I taught myself from the internet. I wanted to learn to make candies—and the last batch of caramels I made produced a marriage proposal. Someone cannot be watching even a moderately interesting show or movie, because once I’m caught I have to stay to see what happens.

     On one hand, this means that I have never had the experience of being bored. At any given time there are nine-tillion things I want to be doing, or watching, or listening to.

     On the other: sometimes I don’t do anything. I just sit there until bedtime trying to decide on the thing I want to do. No, like actually. I have LITERALLY just sat in a chair until it was time to go to bed, just because I couldn’t settle on the thing I wanted to do right then. What a waste of time.

     So sometimes, I just make a decision. Quick, snap. Just so that a decision is made. It may not be the best decision (ie, my school work vs playing Assassin’s Creed for 6 hours (I also tend to hyper focus, it’s very difficult for me to quit once I start doing something)), but at least I don’t sit in a chair all evening and get neither thing done.

     So, I tell you that to tell you this.

     When you make those snap decisions—and we ALL make them—definitely be you.

BUT---

     Don’t let yourself always follow the same tracks you've laid. Make yourself do something new. Something different. I am an EXTREME introvert. It is easiest, simplest, and most comfortable for me to be by myself. However, if I always let myself do that, I wouldn't have the good friends I have today. I would be able to have the fun times that I have with them. Wouldn’t travel, or go to festivals, or parties.

     And everyone has their own thing. Maybe you’re the opposite of me. Maybe you don’t like to be alone so much. Maybe it’s easier for you to fall into the company of others.  So do the opposite of that. Make sure to spend some alone time—truly get to know yourself. Focus on one or two very good friends, make sure that they know that they’re valued.

     Challenge yourself. It doesn’t have to be all the time. But nature grows by change. There are so many wonderful things out there for people to discover.

     Tsubasacon for me is one of those things. One of those things that I kind of have to push myself into as an introvert. But, I have never regretted it. I always have fun. That's why it is so important to try new things, and to push yourself--because otherwise you may never find things, people, or activities that you love. 

Do you. But do as well as possible! :D