Being Lost--Or Life's To-Do List

     

     What does it mean to be lost? For the past couple of months I have felt like I was lost. In a very short span of time, I lost a family member, my marriage ended very suddenly (at least on my part), and I have felt unsure of my work. I have had to support my mother long past the time where she should more than be on her own. 

     Needless to say, I've been spending a good deal of time in thought. I decided to keep this blog for me as kind of a catch all. Something to help me explore and contemplate, and really try to figure out where I go from here. And maybe I can meet others with the same problems. Maybe not, who knows? 

     I've decided that I'm not lost. The definition of lost states being "unable to find one's way." I definitely do not think that is the case. I have a ton of things I love, a ton of things I want to do. I can be just myself for a while. If I try I can really expand my horizons and gain new perspective in my life. 

     But I know one thing is for sure: I can find my way.  I just have to try all the doors! 

     So--here is my list of things I want to do or try (it is not all inclusive--yet!): 

• Go back to school for my MBA. 

I want to get my MBA to keep myself competitive in my current field. My husband always kind of balked when I mentioned going to grad school, so I figure now is a good a time as any! Not a huge fan of taking out more student loans, but I'll be taking out as few as possible. Just a necessary evil right now, but I think it will be worth it, in the name of self improvement.  

• Decide if I want to get a more specialized degree (software, IT, or something else).

I love to learn, and always have. There are several things that I would love to be able to try, but I need some more specialized certification to do so. I used to work IT back in school, and loved it, but I decided to take something a bit more stable and easier to get into at the time--something I kind of regret, now. I've been thinking quite a bit about software design and development and game design---I would love to explore these a bit more. I am also pretty heavily into nutrition and fitness--so I'm interested in these, as well. 

• Decide want I want to be when I grow up. 

Slightly related to the above point, haha! My job currently is very stable. There are a lot of pluses to it, and I am certainly not ungrateful! But--I'm just not sure if it is where I want to be in 5 or 10 years. There is a lot of busy work, and I don't really feel as though I'm living up to my full potential there. And I'm definitely not really passionate about it--and I don't think I've quite given up on finding something that I can make a living at and be really passionate about. 

• Write my novel.

I have had several ideas for novels over the years. But lately I've had one floating around that just won't seem to go away--I feel like this is the first one that will actually get written. I am going to give it my best shot. 

• Improve my fitness level. 

I'm pretty strong. But I want to be more fit, and have more stamina. I always feel good when I workout, it's just getting to actually start it. Included with this in increasing my nutrition. 

• Improve my confidence level. 

This is a big deal for me. I am confident about several things--mostly my abilities, but my own personal self is a lot harder. 

• Travel more.

I want to go and explore more places. Be relaxed, and feel out a place. 

• Draw more.

I love to draw. I love to make things, and draw and paint and color pretty pictures. I want to experiment with new techniques and put some more time into it. I have been kind of starting a comic, too, so I'd like to see where that goes. 

• Get out there and meet new people.

I am an introvert. I tend to be quiet, and be more of a quality over quantity kind of person. With my husband, who was an extrovert (an extreme extrovert), he tended to dominate all conversations. He would take over and be the only one anyone heard. In the few weeks since our split--it has been a real surprise how many friends I didn't know I had, that have come out of the woodwork without him blocking the view. I want to open myself up to meeting more people and making more friends, and building closer friendships with the friends I already have.  

• Be me! 

This one is both all of these things and none of them. With the questions the come with life events like those that have happened to me recently, I have wondered who I am, who I want to be. Are they the same? Are they close? In a way the above items are part of the path to this one. I will not let anyone else dictate my life anymore. 

    I'll touch on these things all again, but the bottom line is this: Sometimes the only thing that matters is your perspective.